Performance anxiety

November 2, 2011 § Leave a comment

Today was meant to be my “catch up on NaNoWriMo writing I didn’t get done yesterday” day, but that hasn’t happened yet and it’s already 5.50pm.

I decided to get involved in NaNoWriMo a couple of weeks ago when, still deeply involved in my Honours project-writing/making, I’d realised that my brain may very well turn to mush after submission date. Writing a novel would be my next project. It seemed the perfect solution. I needed a new challenge to keep the brain juices flowing and I’ve always wanted to write a novel, so why not? Things have got away from me a little in the mean time. Submission date rolled around, the Honours crew went partying, I caught up with friends I’d neglected over the past few months, cleaned my room, did a couple of shifts at work and now, it’s the 2nd November – day two! – and I’ve done diddly-squat towards my 50,000 word novel. Oops.

I have no ideas about what I want to write about. No planning has gone into this, but I’m invested now. I’ve pretty much told everyone I know that I’m going to write myself a novel so my hands are tied. To back out now would be a sign of failure and failure is not really an option, not now that I know what it feels like to succeed with something after working so hard at it (though to be fair, I haven’t yet received my mark for my Honours project. I’m just seeing submission as a success).

To be on trackĀ  of word targets come tomorrow, I will have to write 3,000 words today. I’m a little intimidated. Fiction writing is a big departure from the kind of writing I’ve been doing over the last eight months. I have performance anxiety. The only solution is to just start writing, I think. Stop blogging. Write.

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